*This post was originally written in my journal, which will make more sense as you read, but I wanted to share it here too.*
The amount of unfinished journals I have lying in the crooks and crannies throughout my apartment is too numerous to count. Due to my love of writing, every year as a kid for Christmas or my birthday, I’d inevitably be given a journal from a family member or friend. I’d write in it for a day or two, and after a week went by, the journal got lost among the many books I wanted to read, never to be seen again.
Over time, as technology has evolved, so did the method of my writing. Gone were the days of pen and paper and in came the days of online journals and blogging. The fact that I can’t remember when I last wrote in a journal (except for now, obviously) is sad. Yet, here we are.
Over the past few months, I’ve been pretty stressed. But when you consider that I’ve been busy with wedding planning, starting a new job in October of last year, and the daily struggle of not only surviving, but thriving, the stress is understandable. Self-care needs to be a priority right now. I’ve told myself that and my therapist has told me that, but it doesn’t always stick.
I work in the helping profession, and in my case, “I love helping others” translates to “I help others long before I help myself.” However, I also know, thanks to my advanced education in counseling and social work, that in order to be of use to the people I’m helping, I have to make myself a priority. Easier said than done, right?
But, that’s where journaling comes in. A few days ago, I was mulling over my typical go-to self-care activities like taking a bath and listening to music, only to realize that those activities don’t get me out of my head enough to allow me to calm down, which I need these days. Then my therapist mentioned journaling, and I said, “But I only feel like I can write a blog post when I have something to say.” Then my therapist said, “What about writing in a journal that no one but you will read?” As crazy as it sounds, that hadn’t really crossed my mind.
For the past 7 years, blogging has been my go-to in terms of writing, which has been great. Along the way, I’ve become part of a wonderful community of fellow writers that I love. However, there is something to be said for writing with a pen and paper vs. typing. Honestly, I think part of it is because I’m at a computer most of the day at my job, so when I finally get home at the end of the day, sitting in front of the computer is the last thing I want to do, even if it is to write. The other part though is the environment. On my computer, there’s email, Facebook, YouTube, Pandora, and all sorts of other distractions. But with a pen and paper, it’s just me, my thoughts and a blank page. It’s quiet, serene. As I sit here writing longhand I am very mindful of the peace I feel internally. I’m not distracted, I’m not worried about what anyone will think or say…because the only person these words will benefit in this exact moment is me. For the first time in months, I feel at peace. I feel a sense of calm I haven’t felt in a long time.
And that, my friends, is what it’s all about. Getting back to writing because of the way it makes me FEEL…authentic, free, and the truest version of myself I’ve ever known. Not writing because of what other people want to read, but because it’s what I need in order to be the best version of myself that I can be. And if I have the option to be that person, shouldn’t I take it?